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First blog post

This is the post excerpt.

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My name is zavierra warren. I’m a normal, simple person like you, if that’s how you want to put it. I’m focused on making a difference on teen life’s and showing them different ways to deal with then rather than dealing with it the way I did.

I am a survivor. I want others to be able to call themselves that. I fought my fair share of battles. I was raped and beaten. Placed in many foster homes and overcame my self-harm and my suicide attempts. But I had wonderful people come into my life a guide me to be the person I am today.

No it wasn’t easy an I’m not going to sit here and tell you that it was easy. trust me, it didn’t happen over night. when someone tells you its easy to make a change in your life its pure bullshit. But the change starts with you. It took me roughly 4 to 5 year to make a change in my attitude and in my behaviors (15-18) and to this day I’m still struggling and I just turned 18. No it’s not easy but it gets easier as you go.

life is what you make it. BE HAPPY FOR NO REASON, LIKE A CHILD.

11:11 COMES TWICE A DAY BECAUSE EVERYONE DESERVES A SECOND CHANCE  

 

 

 

XXXTENTACION

A Tribute to XXXTentacion (SAD!)

         Jahseh Dwayne Ricardo Onfroy was 20 before he was murder. He was born in Plantation FL, in 1998, january 23. He died june 18 of 2018. Jahseh was a soon to be father before he died. His son name is Gekyme onfroy and he was born on january 26 2019. Jahsen was a young black rapper that was devoted to changing the world one day at a time. He was here to help and give back to those that didn’t have anything.

    Jahseh Dwayne Ricardo Onfroy AKA known as XXXtentacion was a young black rapper that had his life taken from him way too early. He gave hope to teenagers that struggled to keep hope by showing them that life isn’t as bad as it seems and that the storm or fight we are facing is going to come to an end one day, we just gotta hold on and fight. The tiny dark world we live in has light, we just gotta find it. XXXTentacion drew attention to situations that a lot of  millennials over-looked. XXXTentacion made an effort to change our dark tiny world that we created within ourselves.

XXXTentacion starting making music to help him cope with his own depression and his own demons he was fighting within himself and he didn’t realize the impact his music was going to have on people. When XXXTentacion realized how many people his music touched, he devoted his young life to showing everyone who  was struggling with depression that it isn’t always thunder clouds and lightning, that one day it’s going to be sunflowers and rainbows.

In many of his songs or videos he made of him speaking from the heart he stated that there is nothing more than a simple person in life that isn’t struggling with their own issues and that he struggled with the same things we do. While many kids looked up to him for his music and his talent and his brains, I looked up to him for his strength and how he is overcoming his depression and how is still giving me hope to keep fighting and how he saved my life when  I thought it wasn’t worth saving.

“ Who am I? Someone that’s afraid to let go?”  In these song lyrics XXXTentacion speaks to people that are having a hard time finding themselves and that are struggling to cope with their depression and the battles they are fighting within themselves. “ Suicide, if you ever try to let go.” XXXTentaction speaks about suicide and how people have power over what they do even if they don’t think they do. XXXtentacion speaks to who that fight battles within themselves and who need a guide to get through it. In the song SAD! , XXXTentacion reaches for the ones who lost something or someone that they loved deeply and puts our pain in words when we can’t. He makes us know that we give him hope and he is trying to give us that back by making music and shining light on things that people don’t focus on .

In these words “ I won’t fix, I’d  rather weep” XXXTentacion reaches for people who would rather dwell in the pain and make no effort to rise above it. He doesn’t diminish our ways of dealing with our pain but he gives us better ways to cope by being a role model towards us and showing us how to hold our head up high and fight against the pain and rise above everyone’s negative opinions. “ I’m lost, then I’m found.”  He is saying that one minute you find yourself and you’re on the high road and living your best and amazing life, then the next the depression the and the anxiety is overwhelming and it’s overpowering you so that you feel like you’re suffocating, almost drowning so that you lose yourself and let it take ahold of you because it seems like the only thing you can do.

In the song SAD! XXXTentacion really just focuses on the fact that when you are dwelling in your pain or letting you depression is taking over your life that it feelings like your drowning but without water. He isn’t condoning suicide, He is shining and light on the fact that many people consider about taking their own life because they feel like no one is their for them, they are alone in this battle. He wants people to know what’s going on and hopes that they will take his words seriously and try to changing this patterns. XXXTentacion isn’t just known for songs or music, He is also known for his intellectual speeches and motivational lessons his taught many of his followers. That they are currently still passing on even after his death.

Every follower XXXTentacion has and still is ganging is trying to help change the world just like he was. XXXTentaction name will forever live on and will forever have a place in my heart. XXXTentacion touched many people. He was destined for something more than greatness.

i loved him

I loved him so hard that i even forgot to hate myself. I even began to get out of bed early instead of not at all. Just to see your perfect face.  I was so busy loving you, I didn’t notice all the wilted flowers that started to grow back. I was trying so hard to impress him, that I finally cleaned up. I cleaned up my mess of a life. Maybe it wasn’t good enough! But it was pretty spotless. I stopped slumping my shoulders and started looking people in the eyes. HE made me want to get better and god did I get better. His touch made me feel things that I wasn’t able to feel things in a long time. I loved him so much I ended  up falling in love with myself ❤

love

Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn’t? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens up your chest and it opens up your heart. it means someone can get inside of you and mess you up.

You built up theses defenses, you built a suit of Armour so that nothing can ever hurt you again. Then that one stupid person, no one special wonders into your life. YOU give them  a piece of you. A piece of you they DIDN’T ask for. They did something dumb one day like smile or say hey.

Then your life isn’t over more. Your life isn’t your own anymore. LOVE takes you hostage. It can either set you free or break you. It gets inside of you. It makes you obsess over every little thing. It eats you inside and out and leaves you crying in the dark. So a simple very simple phrase like ” maybe we should just be friends” turns into GLASS SPLINTERS. 

working it’s way into your heart. Your crying out in pain because it hurts. Its not just your imagination, not just your mind making you overthink this pain. It’s a soul hurt. A type of soul hurt that makes you think that your not good enough, a soul hurt that makes you feel worthless and makes you feel uncomfortable in your own. A real hurt that gets inside you and rip you apart till another silly dumb person wonders into your life and fixes that hurt.

 

Silence cries

We all have a moment in our life were we don’t speak up against something that we believe isn’t right . we stay silent , we stay hidden . But inside we have a deep urge to speak up but its like something is holding us back or our voice is gone .

The one wrong thing I never stood up against is abuse , I knew everything about it was wrong . when I spoke of the word it was like acid on my tongue. it could have been the fear of being judge but who would be scared of being judge for something they could not control . But then it comes times where I would be ready to speak up but I would cowardly back away from using my voice.

I would never speak up against the abuse my father caused , I was scared of all the closed minded people . my lips were like a zipper but then I could never unzip them it was like the zipper has rusted shut . But I thought what if someone is going through the same things as me , could I save them , could I help them speak up also . But that wasn’t enough to get me from cowardly backing out again . but the silence my father have is from all the pain life has caused him made him into the figure we see of him today.

The trauma of a dark past started in 2009 , when my brother died my father turned into something my family never thought he would turn into. The silence he kept with him consumed him into someone we didn’t recognize . the pain he had never left . he let his pain out by taking it out on me violently . I never told . the silence my father had slowly washed over on me , but at night I would let the silence go a cry for help but I knew no one could hear . When it was time to get up in the morning the zipper would rust shut once again even though I tried to change it.

Maybe there wasn’t a zipper on my mouth , maybe I was just to scared to speak up because that’s the only family I had . that’s the thing , I was petrified to lose the only thing I had , the only family I had . So I let the silence consume me like it did my father long ago . I wasn’t ready to face the fact that it was wrong , I thought it was normal or other kids went through it but I just had it worse . One day we had a speaker come up to school an talk about the things I was going through. Which I learned was abuse . I felt so uncomfortable in my own skin , I felt like I was standing in front of my class naked . the speaker told the class she was talking about “abuse” an that’s what I was going through “abuse” an that it was wrong . She said we aren’t alone an we should reach out to seek help .

I found away to remove the zipper an asked for help . the silence of fear a being judge by closed minded people that kept me silent an scared . But at times we feel like our voice is so small an go unheard but in reality our voice makes a difference in other people’s life’s . Our voice doesn’t need to go heard to make a difference . But speaking up an ignoring our fears in one thing everyone need to do in their life. ❤